I just saw a hot homeless man
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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