I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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