Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Houston, we have a blender
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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