between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
