i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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