Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
