he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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