Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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