I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
