dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think my mom watched the whole time
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
