so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
