After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize