I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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