So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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