I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
