I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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