My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
