im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
