dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
