I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
