if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
