Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
pop tarts are not kleenex
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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