The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
