The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
