I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
