ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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