Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
