If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
