if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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