So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
