As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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