Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
