I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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