So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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