Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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