I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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