There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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