please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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