the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
