Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
