Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
