Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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