im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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