It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Someone shit on the floor
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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