I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
