I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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