Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
