thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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