naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
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is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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