I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
