There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
