so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
