shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
