You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
