Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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