just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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My dick has a subreddit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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