its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
