Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
