My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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