I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
