It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
