Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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