What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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