Where is the hickey?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
