A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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