I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
