And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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