I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we're so committed to being not committed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
