How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
