i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
