well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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