I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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